I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
