ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I want is dick and wine.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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