he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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