Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize