I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
