Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
