Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
