he puts the penis in happiness.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just pee around me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
