Sry I called you an 8
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You may now shotgun with the bride
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
