I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
