also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
