i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
