Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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