I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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