some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
