I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
