Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize