Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
