May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
