I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
