not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
