Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
