i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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