You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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