there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
