Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
