Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize