"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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