And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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