i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I didn't notice because vodka
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
