Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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