she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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