DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
