i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
