She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
