everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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