If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
