Midget sex pt 2 tonight
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
