There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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