why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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