Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
