Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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