Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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