can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize