Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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