I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize