like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
