I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
