ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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