i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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