hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
even my farts smell like vagina
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
