No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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