i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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