i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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