She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
