Where is the hickey?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
