I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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