I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
