Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize