sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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