I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
