He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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