Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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