Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
