Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
