omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
